Strengthening Self-Worth With IFS
“What the eff?!?”
It’s just another one of those days where you throw your hands in the air.
Shit feels crazy!
You want to cry, but wait… you can’t… because that would mean you’re weak. Ugh. It’s like you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Feeling like you’re going to get fired…
Or like your partner’s going to come up and give you the dreaded, “We need to talk.”
Or, “Shoot! I knew I messed up!”
But you do way more than others at work. You’re even in line for a promotion! And your partner tells you how much they care for you. And you really can’t remember when you really messed something up.
But none of that matters… because deep inside, something’s telling you that you’re not enough.
Beating yourself up for no reason…
It’s exhausting carrying around a truckload of pessimism and low expectations.
You want to please everyone, but you’re becoming a shell of yourself in the process. You’re becoming a person who doesn’t get your own needs met.
Jumping through hoops to make sure you’re always on time, double-checking your every move to make sure you don’t do or say the wrong thing, and triple-checking everything you did throughout the day to make sure it won’t come back to haunt you…
It’s draining to the point of debilitating!
Even when you’re doing everything “right,” you’re still plagued by shame and guilt because you MAY have offended someone, made someone mad, or… heaven forbid… made a typo in an email.
Why do we do this anyway?
Usually, we push our feelings away for the sake of others – to please them in the hope of maintaining the status quo. Whether at work or home, we just want to keep shit together.
So, we fail to take up space and be our authentic selves.
Don’t rock the boat…
Don’t speak up…
Don’t bother…
If you don’t complain, everyone will like you and want to keep you around.
That’s why the possibility of any little slip-up is so daunting: You’ve put in an astonishing amount of work into this façade, and you can’t bear the thought of one misstep washing it all away.
Swish! Gone! It meant nothing!
But you ARE important and valid!
Look… I get it. It feels easier to concede than to fight for what you deserve. It seems that way because you’ve been told you’re not allowed to feel or have an opinion throughout your life.
But I’m here to tell you: You ARE. Your needs, wants, and opinions are important!
Building self-confidence and self-respect starts with knowing your worth, having expectations of others, and setting healthy boundaries.
This journey may not be easy…
But you are worth the time and effort to become the best version of yourself.
I’ve seen clients riddled with guilt, shame, and doubt blossom into confident, vulnerable, healthy individuals willing to take a stance on what they believe, value, and ultimately deserve.
We’ll turn tears into cheers, making vocabulary like respect, value, courage, love, and confidence feel like second nature!
But there is no change without vulnerability.
Did you notice the word “vulnerable” above?
When you lean into the pain, talk about your past, confront the challenging points in your life, and be open and honest with yourself about how your past affects your self-worth, you will make drastic changes.
I’ve seen it again and again with my clients. These are the ones who come to feel less depressed, anxious, and reactive in situations where they may have previously cried or yelled.
You will be able to say confidently, “I am enough and deserve love,” fully believing in your heart that it’s true.
The power of thought…
When you’re aware of your thoughts, you’ll notice when you’re selling yourself short. And that’s when you can course-correct, steering your thoughts to be more positive. That turn toward positivity then influences how you’ll feel, behave, and interact with the world around you.
You might start saying, “I should be…” and then change course: “Here’s how I’m doing well…”
These little course corrections make all the difference.
Kathy* is a high-achieving executive…
… who went to a prestigious college where she graduated top of her class. Kathy has lots of great friends, a partner she loves, and a well-paying job. She’s consistently praised for her performance at work, and her partner is very proud of her.
In session, Kathy told me she just doesn’t believe that her friends like her… or that she’s not doing a good job at work. She always feels like she needs to be doing more—maybe if she spent more time with friends, they would like her more… or if she did more work at her job, she would feel more accomplished.
It wasn’t until Kathy started reflecting on the root cause of her challenges that she was able to change the way she thought about these things.
Through our work, she realized that her feeling unloved and inadequate was rooted in her childhood experiences. Through lots of reflection, she saw how these beliefs grew out of unrealistic expectations placed on her by demanding parents.
This was the insight she needed to alter her thinking, which eventually led to a dramatic change in how she valued herself.
*Name changed to protect client confidentiality.
It’s time to start putting yourself first.
This journey will lead you to peace, joy, and fulfillment, but we need to get to the heart of what’s behind your deflated sense of self-worth.
Every day doesn’t have to be daunting, filled with worries about what others think of you.
You ARE important. Now… let’s get to work on getting you to believe that!
To schedule a free 15-minute consultation, call (562) 246-9606 or click the button below.